Monday, July 26, 2010

Is it too early to get serious

I know this is only my third post but I don't have anything else on my mind at the moment but this. It is not about my love of decorating, thrifting or my amazing family. Instead it is something serious and not so fun but for some reason today it is all I can think about. Some of you may know of my struggle with infertility and some of you may not but my husband and I had tried for several years to get pregnant on our own before we sought help from a doctor. I'm so grateful that we did, it was because of the help of our amazing fertility doctor, Dr. Barry Whitten that we have our almost two year old daughter. We were lucky in a way...not only were we able to get pregnant but it didn't require us using Invetro Fertilization. Instead we used what is called an IUI which is much less invasive and expensive. They still don't know exactly why I have infertility issues, their best guess is that my body rejects the possibility because it thinks it is invading bacteria. Weird, huh.

Well after having our daughter we went back and forth about if we should try for another one. Anyone who has experienced infertility will tell you that trying over and over again is SUCH an emotional roller coaster...and NOT the kind that you want to get right back on. It leaves you sobbing in the bathroom every month as the realization that you are not pregnant becomes evident. Well after over a year of discussion we finally decided to try for a second (and final) child. Well our new insurance does not cover ANY of the financial cost of testing that are involved in trying to get pregnant...any there are LOTS of test. So we decided that we could only afford two rounds...which costs around $3000.00

We tried for the first time in May, right as we were beginning the testing and examination phase of that month I started have unusually bleeding but nothing that seemed too alarming to anyone. That month was not a success and I cried. Then I cried some more. Then I remembered that we had one more shot, June. Well June came and they started me on Clomid (a medicine which can help induce ovulation). I hate clomid. I had previously done a year of clomid before we got pregnant with our daughter. Clomid makes me crazy...I'm talking full-on psycho. I don't know how my husband survived that year?! Anyway, the strange bleeding got worse. They did more tests and could find nothing wrong. The day I went in for my final IUI I began bleeding very heavily just minutes before the scheduled procedure. I was devastated because I knew this was the end for us. Not only was I left to deal with the fact that (bar a small miracle, which I'm not holding my breath for) I was not going to have another baby, but now I was told to immediately get testing done to make sure I didn't have cervical caner. Talk about a stressful couple of weeks. Well, the good news is the test show that there is no sign of cancer.

Still I was a mess for days. It's not that our daughter is not enough, she is more than enough. It's just that I want the world for her, and in my mind that includes a playmate, a friend, a brother or sister to share her world with. I am heartbroken that I can not give her that. Today I am sad, I don't know why today... hopefully it will not be this way tomorrow. But today, right now, I'm broken.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Making A House a Home...

Do you see that last picture....that was the floor to ceiling celery green and off white speckled paneling that lined every ounce of the downstairs had to go, but on a budget! We have lived in this house for nearly 2 years...we actually moved in 4 days (this is worth repeating people: 4 DAYS BEFORE OUR DAUGHTER WAS BORN). It was crazy! So to say the least, things were just quickly thrown up and in the house without much time to "decorate". And oh how I LOVE to decorate. So now that my baby is almost two (tears and starting to form as I type, I feel so guilty for not wanting her to get older...WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!) I think it's about time to make this house our home. So I started with the downstairs bathroom. Hideous does not do justice to the state of the bathroom. I vividly remember spending close to four hours scrubbing it when we were preparing to move in. But even once it was clean it was still, ummm, UGLY!!! I wish I had taken pictures of it before I started. But luckily, or unluckily, the upstairs bath has the EXACT same paneling!

Well, we are an one income family so re-paneling and doing an actual remodel was not in the cards so I did the best I could with thing I already had plus a couple of thrift store finds. It still not finished. I need to paint because right now it's just primer white and it can be a bit harsh but still not too bad for less than $50.00! I love how the green linen cabinet turned out. I used a dry brush technique that I had never used before and I'd say it turned out none-too-shabby. Or rather, very shabby...just the way I like it. I looks like it has layers of paint, the way an old piece would...not the five year old plywood thing from Lowes that it really is! I'll show how I did that another day.
Oh, and sorry for the pictures being all at the beginning of the post. I haven't figured out the whole layout thing yet. Ooops.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Helloooo out there!

Hi! So what in the world am I doing? Yep, I don't know either! I don't know the first thing about blogging, I don't even know what (if anything) of merit that I have to write about, and maybe most importantly I'm not sure that there is anyone out there who wants to hear the rants, raves, pictures and interests of this crazy and slightly neurotic girl.

Listen people I have so much going on in my head sometimes that I literally CAN NOT sleep because ideas, projects and check lists are running through my mind. Maybe, just maybe, getting those random things down in print will get them out of my head long enough to get some zzzzz's. Here's hoping anyway!

So let the adventure begin! I already have some pictures I took some projects that I'm working on so look for new posts in the next couple of days.